That Hobbit Lady

Last week Russ and I were off work for Spring Break. Sometimes for Spring Break I visit my family in Florida, but decided now was not the right time. We had just been down for a visit in December, and I’m hoping for another visit early in the Summer, so it seemed like this would be a good time to do something different, to take a “Stay-cation.” And it actually turned out to be a very good time, because we organized and stuck to a schedule that gave us the perfect blend of getting things accomplished and stopping now and then to have some fun.

The “getting things accomplished” part mainly involved this HUGE project we’ve been thinking about for quite some time. As you may know, Russ is a big fan of Marvel Comics, and has been collecting them since he was a kid. So he has a rather large collection, and though it’s always been mostly organized, it’s never been completely organized, so putting the entire collection in order has always been an idea in the back of our minds. Several months ago, we got started with this by organizing the unorganized comics. We put all the boxes of random and out-of-order comics in order, alphabetically by title. Well, that’s great. But now we have TWO collections of alphabetically organized comics. So during this Break, we decided to integrate the two collections into one great, big, organized collection.

We started on Saturday, and worked through Thursday, taking several hours each day to go through boxes upon boxes of comics. Some of the older cardboard boxes, many of which may have been up to 35 years old, were replaced with new boxes. Now, all the comics are bagged, and now all the boxes are numbered.

In our new system, there are 103 boxes, each containing about 150 comics, so in all, there are probably about 15-16,000 comics. Some are the “well loved” comics of Russ’ boyhood days, others are reprints, and many are comics he, with his collector’s heart, purchased along the way. Some of them may be valuable (though none are “first issue of Superman found in my grandma’s basement” valuable), but most of them are probably not exceptionally valuable. The plan is that selling these comics, one by one, would make a good Retirement Project—something to do, when we have the time, that might bring in a little spending money.

But we’re still a long ways off for that! Right now, it’s enough to know that the collection is organized, and in a few weeks or so, we’ll catalog it all, going back out in the garage to look in every box, and write down the beginning and ending title in each box.

Getting all this done gave us such a great feeling of accomplishment! And there were a few more other “accomplishments” for the week: bringing bags and boxes to the Goodwill trailer, turning the mattress, oil change for the car, renewing the auto tags.

But that’s not all! We were on Break for nine days, and during that time, we also did a lot of fun stuff. I think we ate out at least seven times. Wow! One day, we took a drive to Montevallo, about an hour away, and had lunch at the Main Street Tavern. Montevallo is a quaint little college town, and the Tavern served up some excellent food. Another day, we made our inaugural visit to Edgar’s Bakery, right here in town. For Christmas we had gotten a gift card, but hadn’t used it until now. The bakery case is insanely beautiful. This picture above is not from Edgar’s Bakery, it’s just something I found online, but it’s fairly representative. No, actually, I think the bakery case at Edgar’s is even more stupendous. I was so blown away, I didn’t even think to take pictures. Well, anyway, suffice it to say, we may be stopping in for a pastry now and then.

We used some restaurant coupons, we ate out with Russ’ dad twice, and we made a point of visiting one of the restaurants near campus that is usually so busy you can barely find a parking space or a table, but on Spring Break, there are no crowds, and you can breath and enjoy yourself. We went to Innisfree, which is an Irish Pub/Restaurant. Russ had the Shepherd’s Pie, and I had bangers and mash. (And I decided there is no reason in the world not to prepare bangers and mash for dinner at home.)

We also watched a BUNCH of movies and TV shows. Over the nine days, I think we watched at least seven movies. The worst was You’ll Never Get Rich, from our Fred Astaire collection. I usually enjoy Fred Astaire, but putting him in the army just made the whole thing distasteful. Going off to war is not really something to sing and dance about. I liked Rita Hayworth, but I didn’t really believe the “romance.” And in the end when Fred tricks her into marrying him on stage…well, that was just too ridiculous. So this movie didn’t work for me.

But the best movie we watched was Star Trek: Into Darkness. I don’t know how we missed this one when it came to theaters! I wish I could have seen it in the theater, because…what a spectacle! The story held together well, and I have to say, I’m a real fan of the new kids. Perfectly cast in every role. Oh! And Benedict Cumberbatch as Khan? Well, icing on the cake.

During this Break, we woke up when we were ready to wake up, and went to sleep when we were ready to go to sleep. There were no bells or whistles. I even took a few naps. We ate what we felt like eating, whether it was salad, fried baloney sandwiches, or Krispy Kreme donuts. We hung out with Squee, and he hung out with us, curling up between us on the couch as we watched our movies, TV shows, or daily dose of Dark Shadows.

Today we went back to work, and actually, it wasn’t too bad. Though I surely could have gone at least another week or so before I might even begin to think about wanting to do something other than simply hang around the house with my husband and my sleepy-headed cat.

Every so often, our local J.C. Penney’s sends a coupon in the mail: $10 off any purchase of $10 or more. Wow! How can you beat that? I mean, especially if you find something for exactly $10, then you get it for free! You know me and coupons, I can’t resist something like this. Even though I NEVER go to Penney’s, because they really have NOTHING I need or want (at least not at the prices they’re charging),still, whenever this coupon comes in the mail, I spend a lunch hour wandering around Penney’s, trying to find…something…something…anything!

And it takes me the whole lunch hour to find something, because as I say, there’s really nothing there for me. First of all, there’s that bit about the higher than I’m used to paying prices, but also, at this point in my life, I pretty much already have everything I need or want. I’ve spent years and years accumulating stuff, and now that I’ve got a good supply of stuff, too often I take a good look at it and think, “Jeez! I really have to do something about all this freakin’ STUFF!” Decluttering is one of my favorite pastimes, so much more than shopping. But here’s that coupon offering the potential of something for nothing, so off to Penney’s I go.

This afternoon I managed to find this pretty cool kitchen knife. Not that we need another knife, but look at this one! It has a really cool Japanese name, “Santoku,” and promises to “chop, dice and mince herbs and vegetables.”

Now, I’ll tell you the truth about chopping, dicing and mincing. In the past, I have been enticed by all sorts of gadgets promising to impart a chef’s flair to those activities. I have a Cuisinart food processor, a mini-food processor, and a mandolin. But do you know what I use almost exclusively? This one large bread knife we bought at Wal Mart a year or two ago. And we only bought that knife because the “main attraction” knife I had been using for years and years, a Farberware handed down to me from my mom about twenty or thirty years ago, FINALLY gave up the ghost, handle and blade separating after decades and decades of faithful service. How I hated to give up the knife! But the time had come.

Now our new kitchen knife from Wal Mart does it ALL. Only it will have to make a little room for this tiny Santoku. I’ve gotten products from Oxo before, and they always work out well. So I have high hopes this little knife will find a happy home in our kitchen.

Oh! And I didn’t even get to tell you the best part yet: It was a $16 knife, on sale for $10.99, so I paid a total of $1.08 (which includes sales tax.) A $16 knife for slightly more than a dollar? How can you resist?

Speaking of Oxo, the last time one of these Penney’s coupons came in, the item I ended up with is this handy-dandy little container, which we use to store Squee’s catnip. The lid had a suction cup to help keep the contents fresher. I guess it works, because Squee has no idea catnip is in there until we pop the lid and the aroma of nip fills the air. Then he goes wild. But until then, the herb is well stored in this attractive little container.

If I recall correctly, this item was also on sale, for exactly $10, so it came out being absolutely free. Or it might have been a dollar or two. It was a while ago, I don’t remember. But I know it was a good deal.

Now, this one I absolutely do remember. One time when this coupon arrived in the mail, I was in my heyday of building a Nice Wardrobe for the Whimsie dolls. Everything in their wardrobe has come from The Thrift Store Boutique (except for a few items that actually belonged to Mary and Joey when they were wee ones) so I thought it would be nice if I could buy the Whims even one item that was absolutely new. And that day, when I went to Penney’s, what did I see? A display of cute little winter jammies, and one of them was this adorable blue and white zip-up with polar bears all over. How cute! (You have to admit.) It was $10 exactly, so I walked out of the store paying absolutely nothing, and brought it home to the Whims.

They’ve each had a chance to wear it at one time or another, and here’s a picture of my newest Whimsie, Tootsie, who recently joined us here in Whimsieville, via the E-Bay Adoption Agency. I know, I know. I have to start slowing down with these dolls. I think four is enough. I hope I don’t see any more cute Whimsies at the Adoption Agency. If I do, I don’t know how I’ll possibly keep them all so well dressed at all times!

You might even say that my Whimsies are better dressed than I am. I’m not a big fan of clothes shopping. I think maybe if I ever lost weight, I could be persuaded to get more excited about clothes, but right now clothes shopping is not among my favorite activities. I have a very limited wardrobe—mostly it’s plain tops, patterned skirts, and lots and lots of SOCKS. Love love LOVE socks. (Maybe because no matter how fat you are, socks always fit.) So one time, at Penney’s, I used the coupon to get myself some socks. For $10, I got two pairs of socks. Really. That’s $5.00 per pair. And that was the SALE price. So, you can see why I don’t usually shop at Penney’s, not even for my beloved socks.

But I thought this use of the coupon was a good deal, because one pair is a basic black, that can be worn with almost anything, and the other is sort of a blue tweed, that would go well with blue jeans. (Both pairs of socks were in the laundry at the time of this photo shoot.) I like to layer socks and wear several pairs together, so I think this black and blue together is a good combination. I think I may have paid a dollar or two for both pairs of socks when all is said and done. So this too was a good use of the coupon.

Going back a little further, I got a set of measuring cups at Penney’s, again for nothing or very little. Again, it’s Oxo. (1/4 Cup and 1/3 Cup were busy at the time of this posting, and not available for their photo.) I like the steel cups, but not a big fan of the measurement written on the handle. When you wash measuring cups, eventually the writing wears off. So unless you have the marvelous superpower (like I do) of recognizing container sizes on sight, your cooking and baking might turn into a disaster. But that hasn’t happened to me (at least not yet), and I’m definitely of the opinion that one can never have too many measuring cups.

Now, one more. I’m working backwards, and this one was my first purchase with the $10 off at Penney’s coupon, several years ago. I know I ended up paying a little bit for these two candles, I think maybe as much as $6.00 for both of them. (Gasp!) But I just fell in love with these, and they look so nice on our dining room table. I have a lot of candles, but I don’t have them all out at the same time. Mostly, I save them in a box in the closet, just in case the electricity ever goes out. Truthfully, I have way too many candles. That’s one of those areas where I have accumulated way too much stuff, and really need to thin it out. But when I do, these two beauties from Penney’s will not be among the discards. Even when the candles are totally burned down, I’ll just clean out the innards and put new candles inside.

Well, that’s my $10 Penney’s coupon story. I’ve enjoyed this trip down Memory Lane. Can’t wait for the next coupon, and the next challenge of going to the mall to find something else that I don’t really need, but exalting in the ability to get it at a really good price—or even for free!

I have come to the end of the “Cat Who” series of mystery novels. There were 29 books in all, so it goes without saying that some books were better than others.

And as often happens in a series, I found that many installments at the beginning or middle were much better than what happens at the end. Sometimes a series simply runs out of steam, and I think that’s what happened here—though I also think something else may be going on. The last book, The Cat Who Had 60 Whiskers was so unsatisfying—No! So much more than “unsatisfying,” it was downright disturbing! So disturbing I had to go online to see what other people were saying about this book. And nobody was saying anything good.

There is much speculation that the author, Lilian Jackson Braun, had not even written this book at all! In fact, there’s a theory that she had not written the last several books. To her credit, she was in her 80’s and 90’s while writing the last of these books, so that in itself is amazing, if in fact she was still writing. But the quality of the tales was obviously beginning to slip.

First of all, you have to understand that these books are what is called “cozy” mysteries. They usually take place in a small town full of quaint characters, and the protagonist is not a hard-boiled detective. There’s very little sex or violence, making them good mystery novels for older ladies who wish to be entertained without being offended. I never watched the show Murder She Wrote, but I imagine that would be a good example.

The shtick in the Cat Who books is that the main character, Qwilleran, has two cats, and one of them (Koko, not Yum Yum) is very, very smart (thus the 60 whiskers) and helps him solve crimes. So yes, it’s kind of silly, but very cute. You don’t read these books because you’re interested in crime mysteries, you read them because you’re interested in the cats and the characters.

But even having said that, a “mystery” novel should have a mystery, and in the last several books, it was far too easy to discover “Who Did It.” Even for me! And I’m notoriously bad at that. (Though I may have gotten better after reading so many “mysteries.”)

The harder thing to discover in the later books was exactly what the mystery was. Midway through the book, there would be an accidental death, and in the last chapter or two the idea was brought up that maybe it wasn’t an accident, and a potential suspect would be named. Then, in a sentence or two, we hear the result. And then we go back to the daily lives of the cats and the characters.

I like the cats and the characters so much that I’m almost surprised I’m complaining about the weak mysteries. For me, the mysteries were always only the skeleton upon which the “real” story was hung (the daily lives of the cats and characters) but you have to admit that without a skeleton, what you mostly have is a mushy mess.

But that’s not the worst of it! Here’s my real beef. In the last book—in fact, in only the last five chapters of the last book, TWO major life-changing events randomly happen to Qwilleran.

I have a problem with this randomness. These events come out of nowhere. The first one is described as “a bombshell” and it’s just that. Well, there might have been some indication that things could not go on like this indefinitely, but the writer’s way of solving the problem was to simply plant a bomb and let it go off. Not satisfying.

The second event (and as you can see, I’m being purposely vague here, as to not spoil anything, in case you still want to read the books) is one of those weird things that might happen, and the author tries to give some explanation, but it doesn’t work for me. Now, of course, in real life, random weird events may in fact happen, and we have to deal with them, but in books, we expect there to be a cohesive narrative.

Let’s put it this way: as for this second weird and terrible event, if it had happened somewhere in the middle of the series, we would say, “Well, you know, things like that CAN happen. I guess Qwill is just going to have to deal with it.” But when the writer finishes up the entire series with this sort of random BANG it doesn’t feel like part of any “storyline,” it feels more like a deliberate attempt to say “Screw it! There’s not going to be any more books, so I can just do whatever the heck I want!” (Notice how the author says “heck” instead of “hell,” because after all this is a “cozy,” so there’s not a whole lot of swearing.)

I say “not going to be any more books,” but that’s not entirely true. Rumor has it there was going to be another book, The Cat Who Smelled Smoke, but it was cancelled either because the author died… OR for another reason. The other rumor on the internet (the internet is a hotbed of rumors) is that due to poor reception of the 60 Whiskers book, the publisher cancelled the order for the next book.

I think the series lost a lot of fans in the last five chapters of The Cat Who Had 60 Whiskers. I have two theories about what was going on as the series neared its end. One: Ms. Braun, bless her heart, was no longer the sharp tack she had once been. She was losing touch with her characters and her imaginary world. Or two: someone else was writing the books.

Either explanation could account for Qwill’s strange reaction to the two devastating events that take place in his life in the last five chapters of the last book. His reaction is, basically…nothing. He has no reaction. His life is dramatically changed, and we never hear any of his inner thoughts about it. At one point the author writes, “In the days that followed, Qwilleran, who had once trained for the stage, acted as if nothing had happened.” Well, that’s fine if that’s how he’s acting, but c’mon! We’ve been with this guy for 29 books. We’re not interested in how he’s acting, we want to know what’s really going on with him, how he actually feels about these momentous changes in his life.

It feels like the author has emotionally detached from her characters. In another instance, in one of the last books, a beloved peripheral character unexpectedly dies in a car crash, and there’s little to no reaction from either the author or the other characters. This person had a devoted boyfriend, who appeared in almost every book, but after his girlfriend dies, except for a brief mention that he’s “devastated,” we never see him or hear from him again. It’s like neither of them ever existed.

We read these books for the characters, we read these books for the soap opera of their lives, yet when the soap opera occurs, we’re deprived of their reactions. Not fair.

Okay, one more thing, then I’m done. All along, I’ve contended that the author has been “in love” with her main character, Qwilleran. He’s tall, well-built, intelligent, well-spoken, and has a magnificent mustache. I’ve mentioned before that if you were going to cast the role, there is no other choice but Tom Selleck. Who wouldn’t be in love with him?

I always found it amusing how the author projects her own feelings on to the townspeople. Sure, Qwill is all those things mentioned above, and in addition he’s the richest guy in the northeast central United States, with a healthy philanthropic tendency. He also writes a twice weekly column in the local newspaper, so he’s always in the public eye. He has every reason to be a local celebrity. People greet him enthusiastically in the streets, old ladies swoon when he talks to them in his “mellifluous” voice. It’s all so amusing, and so charming.

But in the third to last chapter of the last book, I can’t help feeling there’s some tongue in cheek in these two sentences: “In Pickax, Qwilleran’s annual move from barn to condo was as well known as the Fourth of July parade. The printers ran off a hundred announcements, and students addressed the envelopes.”

Really?? Did Ms. Braun write that? And if she did, did she realize how “fan-fictionesque” it sounds? Or did someone else step in to quietly make fun of Qwill’s reputation? This point goes in my column for “Somebody else was writing this book.”

Speaking of Fan Fiction, I have my own explanation for this last book, the only way I can make this all make sense. For whatever it’s worth, I believe you have to preface this last book with the following:

“Among James Qwilleran’s many devoted followers in Pickax City, one woman (we’ll call her Belinda Hunnicutt) let her imagination get away with her. She developed a rich fantasy in which she and the celebrated Mr. Q might somehow meet and fall in love. The more she thought about it, the more elaborate this fantasy grew, until at last she felt the need to write it all down. What you are about to read here in this book has no connection whatsoever to reality. It is merely the wild imaginings of a slightly unbalanced woman.”

This woman is NOT Lilian Jackson Braun. This woman is simply a figment of my own imagination, a way of helping me make sense of the sad and unsatisfying ending of what is otherwise a fun series of books.

I refuse to accept The Cat Who Had 60 Whiskers as part of the Cat Who mythology. I suppose we shall never know what really happens to Qwilleran and his cats, Koko and Yum Yum. But for my money, they continue to live in the “eternal now,” quietly solving small town mysteries in their converted apple barn, 400 miles north of everywhere.

If I were to rank “The Worst Weeks of My Life,” it’s highly possible this last week would make the Top 10. Two word explanation: kidney stone. If you’ve ever had one, you know what I mean. If you’ve ever had a baby, you know what I mean. I’ve heard some people say that having a kidney stone is more painful than having a baby. Having had two kidney stones AND two babies…the jury is still out. It’s close. Very close. The thing about a kidney stone, though, is that at the end of the whole experience, while you are relieved the pain is over, you don’t have a beautiful baby to show for all your suffering. When you factor that into the mix…yeah, I guess kidney stones are a lot less fun.

It started two Wednesday evenings ago. First, my stomach was a bit upset, because we’d had chili for dinner. And this was not just any chili! We’d thrown in about three different kinds of hot peppers!! It was delicious chili. I loved it. But it did not love me.

So, I’m sitting there after dinner, upset stomach, and decide I’m just going to watch a little mindless television (HGTV). Sit down at 8 pm, feel like I’m getting a backache. Oh, great! A backache, on top of the upset stomach!

By 9 pm, I’m in unbearable pain.

At first, I think maybe it’s appendicitis. So we look up appendicitis. Start thinking about when to go to the Emergency Room. Can’t sleep laying down, can almost sleep a little sitting up in the living room chair. For appendicitis, the internet says don’t drink anything, and don’t take any pain relievers. At least I think that’s what it said. My mind’s a little fuzzy on all this, because it’s sort of hard to think straight when you’re in unbearable pain.

I think it was some time in the middle of that restless night that I finally got the idea that this might be a kidney stone. I had one once, probably about 20 years ago, and it was extremely painful, but only lasted several hours for one morning. Then the stone came out, and instantly the pain was gone. I’m really starting to hope this is a kidney stone.

Then I go back on the internet and read that some people can suffer with a kidney stone up to six weeks!! Waaah! Don’t want that.

Don’t want any of this. In the morning, head right over to the doctor. Doctor suspects kidney stone, sends me for a CT scan. Scan confirms a stone, 5mm, which is apparently a respectable size. The internet says people with a stone 5-10 mm only have a 50% chance of passing it on their own. (The “not on their own” options range from medication, to shock waves, to surgery.)

I’m going to breeze through the next several days now, when I’m off work, taking a narcotic-laced prescription pain reliever, sleeping a lot, sometimes feeling good, sometimes feeling bad. Fast forward to Monday, when I feel good enough to go back to work, but midway through the day, not so good again.

Go home, try to nap. Chills. Could it be a fever? Yes. Internet says fever, chills and kidney stone is a BAD combination. Back to the doctor. Who sends me to the Emergency Room. Where I get an IV of antibiotic, and have an ultrasound. And then I’m told that in addition to the stone, I’ve got a UTI.

Oh, this just keeps getting better and better!

But, the good news at the Emergency Room is that they got me feeling better, and sent me home slightly after midnight, rather than having to stay overnight. The doctor said it would probably be overnight, but at the Emergency Room, they said that was “the old fashioned way” and as long as I was having success with the antibiotic, I could go home. So my “That makes my day” moment for this day is that I don’t have to get admitted to the hospital.

I think I went back to work after this, at least a half day here, a half day there. I don’t recall exactly, but it’s all on my time sheet. Anyway, now it’s Wednesday again, and I’ve got an appointment with a Urologist. The appointment is for 10:40 am, but at about 9 am….

Get ready for it…

I finally pass the damn stone!!

Yea!! What great timing, right? I collect up the stone in a paper towel and put it in a little plastic bag, and take it to the Urologist. Everyone there is congratulating me. They’re going to send it out for testing to find out what kind of stone it is, so they can instruct me on how to avoid getting any more stones in the future.

Apparently 90% of all stones are calcium stones, and of those, 80% are another specific type of stone, so there’s a strong likelihood I’ll have the common, garden-variety stone. For right now, I’m taking the basic precautions, drinking lots and lots of water, and avoiding those foods that are known to cause stones.

The sad thing about the list of foods you need to avoid in order to prevent more stones is that it’s full of all kinds of good, healthy delicious foods that I happen to enjoy eating a lot of: nuts, dark green veggies, beans, grapefruit, strawberries. And the worst part of all, BLACK TEA is a culprit is stone formation.

At least that’s what they say on the internet.

The Urologist says there’s no need to cut out anything completely, just take all things in moderation, and above all, drink, drink, drink lots and lots of water, and if you can add some lemon or lime to that water, so much the better. Well, I’m a big fan of lemon and lime flavored waters, so that’s going to have to take the place of my traditional iced tea.

Not to say I’ll never drink iced tea again, but really, if you saw the way I drink iced tea, you wouldn’t be surprised I got a kidney stone. And in addition, every morning I’d been making a Nutri-bullet shake with kale, strawberries, walnuts…remember my list from a few paragraphs back? Top that all off with several servings of bean-fully delicious chili, and it’s like I was trying to cook up the perfect recipe for forming kidney stones.

But who knew? I certainly didn’t. I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I know better.

So this has been a learning experience all around, and I am currently preaching the Healing Waters Gospel to anyone who will listen: DO NOT neglect to drink your water. Seriously. Every day. It’s good for you.

As for food, I think the key here is “All things in moderation.” Really, when hasn’t that been the key?

Now, one more thing I must say, and then I will finish up this woeful tale. Actually, as woeful as it all was, as painful as it all was, in the end it’s a Good Thing, because I learned a lot, and I’m now equipped to make better decisions in the future.

But most of all, it’s a Good Thing, because of this:

I am so happy to be married to Russ. He is THE BEST. He stuck through me every step of the way, accompanied me to every doctor visit, the Emergency Room, asked the questions I didn’t have enough presence of mind to remember. He was the epitome of “In sickness and in health.” And while I’m fussing about how much all this is going to cost, he’s saying, “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you get better.”

So, that’s my tale of woe, with the brilliant silver lining.